Sunday, May 19, 2013

All I ever wanted to do was shake your hand and if you offered a hug I'd take it then look you in the eyes and say, "Thank you. Thank you for sharing your gift of love, passion, and music with me and the world. I see you and you're beautiful as you are. YOU, Michael, are not alone." I wanted to greet you as a friend and have the opportunity to give back a minor fraction of the good you gave. I had no childhood because of an abusive father. I'm a poet and a lyricist yet I've never achieved greatness. Music moves through me and lyrics just come as I've heard you describe. I'm very much alone because of illnesses I have and an awkwardness and insecurities around other people from the abuse. I know loneliness and the fear/pain/angst of it. I also tend to not trust people or let them in cause not just the abuse from childhood but also adulthood. People can be so damn cold and mean. I'm passionate about children as well and I share in your crusade of protecting them and their innocence because mine was so violently taken from me. How anybody could misinterpret your regards to children never made sense to me. Teenagers on my school bus when I was a teen use to say hateful things about me/to me. I was in the front of the bus with the elementary kids playing around and making them laugh. Your music pulls everything that's buried in me out and exposes me. When I need to grieve the loss of my childhood and that little girl I listen to Childhood and the wonder, sadness, pain, and joy all in the roller coasters of your beautiful emotion helps me know I'm not alone. There are so many examples of how your music motivates me into celebration, healing, joy, and, like with Childhood or Stranger In Moscow cause I feel like that stranger too, when I need to feel that pain I can release it in the pain I hear in you and know it's the same emotion. First time I heard Stranger In Moscow and that longing and desperation in your voice it just grabbed me. My heart broke for you. Often times I'd see you going through things and I'd wonder, 'Who does he have? Is there anyone telling him that he is loved? Is anybody being strong for him?' You were not so misunderstood after all. If only I could've shared with you that I see you and it's ok. Just being Michael is enough. You were so much more than the King of Pop. You feel like my friend. I feel like I know you cause of our parallels. I would've loved to bond with you over conversations and seen your animations as your thoughts come together, keep your secrets, have water balloon fights and play hide and seek. I love you for so much more than your crown. You said in your heart that you will always be Peter Pan. In my heart, I will always resemble you and it isn't idolatry, lust, or worship. It's simply as my friend who has walked the same road I have although we've never met and it was years apart. I feel your journey in your songs because it's my journey too.  Rest easy, Michael, please. Nobody can hurt you now. 

                                                                                                                                                                           All my love, respect, and gratitude,
                                                                                                                                                                                          Jesse Radford

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